Lately People gazed at me when I go out not because I'm super beautiful (well just beautiful in the eye of my mom... Hehehe!) but because I'm wearing two crutches on both hands.
It's not permanent thank god for that. It's just until I am fully recovered from a very bad ankle sprain (cause of my over the top energy last weekend).
The gazing and worry look that I get from other people doesn't bother me at all but it made me want to thank god every minute that I can because I get to experience how not having a complete set of feet means.
It is crippling inside and out. I can still remember that my summer last year, I've also injured my right hand that almost caused me my ring finger. Where in my first thought when I hurt myself were; How can I continue playing my guitar? Or how awful it will look like during the time that someone would finally ask for my hand? Eherm... hehehe! Wish...
My point is that I was able to compare the feeling when someone would ask me: "Which one would you want me to cut, your feet or your hands?" In my opinion, I can sacrifice my foot but not both. And definitely not any of my hands.
That's just my opinion but still losing any part of your body is hard and from this experience even if it's just for a short time, I can't stop myself from counting my blessings from GOD.
God made me feel how much he loves me and by giving me a lot of circumstances to discern to. They said that it's easier said than done. It's true because once you're that person in the picture already, then it's another story.
I haven't appreciated the sufferings that god had been tosing to my life instead, I've resented it and denied the fact that these are trials thrown to me that will make me stronger. Well! Not only the physical difficulties but also the emotional and other things that had come my way.
And throughout those years, God has been giving me a lot of help to be able to stand up and be courageous to face the adversities. These are the people that I call my UNFORGETTABLE GRACES =)
My family, relatives and special someone (whom god is still preparing for me)
My bestfriends and friends (present and past)
Community of CFC-FFL, PROMOS, COM, MHC, Ungasis and kawalans
Co-workers(present and past)
The trials, blessings, opportunities, simple things, breath of life, love, friendship, book of wisdoms, and many more
Upcoming friends and a new beginning =)
There are a lot of things to be thankful for and I won't stop counting for the blessings that God is pouring into my life...
Maybe you could list yours too... Have a nice weekend! And may GOD BLESS US ALWAYS!
The past few days have been a heavy load with work and my health is truly suffering since my insomniac nature was threatened and finally triggered after a week of nonsense surfing and reading articles .
It's not even because of studying or researching but because of the game that wuzzy people that is making me so sick.
Anyhow, Autumn is here again and the smell of the apple tree still lingers in the air. The colorful leaves are definitely a wonderful sight everyday. While the fallen crunchy leaves that the wind blows are beautifully dancing along the pavement. Cool wind that whistles as you walk by the forest is a music to the passersby.
As the season changes, the result to my plans is yet to come. I've been counting the stars some nights and been watching for the signs to finally show itself to me clearly.
Finally, I admitted to myself that my eyes can't see what's in front of me and my ears can't hear what they were meant to listen to because I've been procrastinating the obvious and was enclosing myself to feel what my heart only wanted to feel. Thus, excuses come into mind.
Reason is blank to those people who doesn't want to see what's up and that's just one of my problems. I've been telling myself not to state the obvious but everything is just happening too fast and I can't help myself from failing to think especially while on the brink of my own sanity. It's a little bit disturbing really but I don't think its even possible. Hehehe!
I really sucked on this emotional crisis without a good help from Dr. PHIL (grins) and my common sense seems lost in translation for sometime now. So, I decided to give it a go and relax =)
God has always been my shield and protector in every adversary that I face and so, I lift it all up to him.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh nevermind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked, you are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults, if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard, Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen
Brother and sister together we'll make it through Someday a spirit will take you and guide you there I know you've been hurtin, but I've been waitin' to be there for you And I'll be there just helping you out whenever I can Everybody's free oh yeah Everybody's free oh yeah
I know i know... It's been quite sometime since I've last written in here. The thing is, I guess I only write when I'm happy or I feel sad and lonely and writing is one of my getaway place.
Right now, I feel sick... Sick meaning unwell. Hehe! I've been ignoring my health for the past days and now it's telling me how much I've wronged myself which is definitely not good. And of course, if one is sick then one would feel sad and lonely too. Oh forget it... I'm almost well.
Anyhow, a lot of things have happened and I'm expecting things to get more complicated but I'm ready for the fact that this is the real world and life is a bitch.
It ain't easy especially if you are alone, so I thank god all the time that I have true friends around me and a surrogate family to turn to no matter what. Though, 80% of the time is still my own creation of what to do and all that after a long time of talking to god about things.
The sad thing is that TIME IS GOLD and nothing is certain in this world except DEATH and CHANGE.... Yep! So, people clamour on their life and not noticing that the direction their going through is the other way not the right way.
For instance, my earlier plans this year was turned upside down. I can't even imagine how it happened but it did. Now, I've to assessed my plans carefully since time is running out. The good news is that no matter what I do and choose, I can only blame myself for it because it's my life and I did the choosing. =)
From my short memory baggage, I can still remember a scene from one of my favorite tv series OTH where Peyton told Lucas the line 'Everybody leaves no matter what' which is a fact.
Since, we are going to die and nobody knows when is the exact time. Ironic, right?
Ika nga LIFE IS SHORT.
That's why there are themes like:
Seize the day! Carpe Diem! Live the moment!
But how can someone live her most special moment without the most important person in her life with her. It sucks when one is far from her family or loveone.
Sometimes, I'm thinking that this isn't all worth my time but my heart kept telling me that my purpose is just right behind the corner and I have to do this to fulfill his prophecy to me.
Hehe! Guess, I sounded like reciting a line in a movie now but that's just how life is. For me, the hardest is finding my purpose and so my greatest failure would be if I won't be able to fullfill it before I'm gone.
It's getting creepier huh? Well! It is creepy for me too and morbid since the first thing that comes to my mind this morning is... If I'm still alive? hehehe! Then after checking my temperature, I was just hallucinating of high fever. Funny but scary.
I don't want to die without having to say I'm sorry to the people I love. yeah yeah... loving is never having to say you're sorry... quoted on a movie lovestory? That's right but I don't believe in it. Since, if we are going to die without apologising to the one we've hurt especially if it's a loveone then, your soul would never float to heaven.
Hehehe! Of course I'm still in my hallucination stage. Silly me, right? But laugh all you want. The conscience of not having to say you're sorry still lingers in your bloodstream eating up your nerves everytime you think of that person.
OMG! This is serious talk already and I don't like it when my mind is getting serious. For now, I just wanted to share this thought...
Someone special told me once that something becomes meaningful when it goes from your head to your heart to your hands.
I've never had the chance to thank my pop for this quote but I'm glad that despite my 'memory gap errrr that's becoming a habit lately', surprisingly stayed in my mind and in my heart.
So, after being silent for the past few months at least in this site, I decided to start this project on my own and I'm finally starting to wake up from my silly sleepiness.
The thing is I felt like I've been a corpse just lying around growing my belly like a basset (hihi). Enjoying the company of friends but really not accomplishing something that could make my future grow though.
Thankfully, I'm improving with some spiritual readings and widening my horizon on the friendship thingy. But still, I've never really pushed or challenge myself to fullfill the changes I wanted to happen that I've been longing for so long.
I do have a problem though for when I start something big or even small task, I'd usually take my time to finish it whether it's consuming some parts of my life and sacrificing my time and the other so-called zombie zone within my grasp in order to be focus.
It's part of the 'by hook or by crook' bhelskie's promise I usually assert inside of me.
So, right now I'm kind of delegating the works of the greedy but hopefully not impossible time plan I have created. Hehe! I'm not even sure if I'm creating this just to amuse myself or simply just a reason not to get bored.
Anyhow, the plans that I've prepared for the whole year may not happen since time is my competition here but then again, life is full of surprises. And since I've already started it and finally decided the final outcome of it then, I'm just crossing my fingers that this decision won't be meaningless for the commitment I'll be pouring into it is huge.
I Just started reading this book entitled 'conversation with God' and I can't helped but to start soul searching about what's keeping me from finding the right path.
And I was really questioning myself what is wrong with me these past few years that I've become and had turned out like this sick person who doesn't know what she wants and can't seem to find permanency in her life. Really, I'm all grown-up but at the end of the day I'm still confused and doesn't know what I'm really doing.
I know it's going to be tough again for me since I am quite relaxed these past few months. My thinking was that everytime I get to have a good life for now the next time will be hell again.
That was the route that I've always been trudging that has become my nightmare and I'm quite tired of going to that path again. I really need something to wake my cells and work my muscles to move again.
I admit, I'm quite afraid of changes once in a while but I'm badly in need of something new and challenging. I guess, I've been sleeping and well rested the past months that my brain cells will turn into jelly soon.
From the book, it says that my will is god's will. Which is definitely not my Co-SFC's were telling me or even the books I've read before. It eventually summarizes into 4 things we should do for God's will to be ours...
First, we would have to know IT; 2nd, we would have to accept IT; 3rd, we would have to love IT, and 4th, we would have to call IT our own...
What's the IT in these phrases? What you want for yourself to happen... Because if we are persistent and consistent with our service then God will eventually know what we wanted, accept, love and call it his. The thing about knowing what we wanted is by feeling what our soul wanted and not what our mind dictates to our brain.
So, I guess I've to talk to God about my soul because I think my soul is wandering around and putting its invisibility cloak and letting my mind and body work my future with me.
Anyhow, it was just a thought for now. I'm not finish with the book yet. I don't think I believe every detail I read here but then again, I'll see later if I've a different perspective after reading the whole book.
Well! This is old news for a lot of people but our prayers have 3 possible answers (yes, no and wait). And sometimes the waiting takes a longer time than we expected so you better not think of a specific time or date on when it will be given to you...and please be PATIENT... hehehe! When the time is right! Yep! My father used to answer my questions with these words. Or everytime I's ask for something that is too much for me. =) Sometimes he would kid around and answer, " Sige, matulog lang muna ako at mananaginip ha." hehehe! Love those moments when I felt like ' pagmamaktol' is the only way to get his real and correct answer PRONTO!
But as we grow older, we got used to the NO answers to most of our prayers and learned to understand the reason why. And when it's given to us which means YES and ASAP. We do sometimes forget to thank him for the blessings. How cruel is that? Well! IT IS PRETTY CRUEL AND INSENSITIVE isn't it?
Anyhow, lately I've been talking (praying) to him (GOD) most of the time trying to make our connection more powerful than ever and the signals and signs that I've been asking for has been pretty blunt. Yup! It does sucks to know that my plans this time ain't going to work. (sigh)
I am aware that he has great and big plans for me and I do believe that but there's this quirky side of me that has to function in order to make that plan work faster. Hehehe! Now now now! Where's the faith in him? It's there! I promise and my belief has never been more real than ever.
When I jumped on the tube this afternoon, he showed it to me and really wanted me to see the big picture on the recent action I've just executed. It did hurt and I was so embarrassed because once again the unfairness of reality is right in front of my face and I knew in my gut that I could have avoided it but I didn't listen at all. I was overwhelmened on the supposedly "NICE RESULT" instead of weighing the consequences and bang myself to the wall to feel the real world and get my webby mind intact and my floating heart to mellow its beating.
Wow! How could I have let this happen to me. I was really thinking that it was like only for 2 weeks and I am already a sucker of PAINS AND RESIGNATION... AGAIN??? Yeah yeah yeah! I know I don't know much about growing up but LIFE IS SHORT AND WE MUST MAKE THE MOST OUT OF IT, isn't it? But I should have remembered that The MOST that they are talking here is the right one no matter what happen.
FAITH.... always remember this! Coz somewhere in the middle of all these B.S. I've forgotten it in a sec! JUST A MATTER OF SECOND and look where it brought me back to... THE BOTTOM OF IT ALL!!! =)
It wasn't easy not to see him when I got the chance but my faith in me just crumbled. I can't face him without a clear future ahead of us. I can't promise him anything YET. Now, it's too late. I never knew it will hurt like hell. I thought I've surpassed this pain 2 years ago. I thought it won't matter anymore.
The thing is it's probably for the best. I never dream of leaving again seeing him knowing he can't be mine anyway. So, there... It's another heart's day with no one to share the smile and love I have with him.
I know what I did was a cowardlike behaviour. I just wanted him to be happy that's all. A friend of mine once told me that I'm such a drama queen but it's just my way of releasing the emotion without hurting him. Besides, my heart is still on the recovery so, risking it won't help. Looks like it's hell on ice for me this month.
Anyway, guess it's my fate to be away and find my own mate when the right time comes.
I remember ruining my favorite socks 7 years ago from walking for almost 5 hours from Shaw Boulevard upto Legarda with ice water and cookies and gellatin as our 'baon' while shouting 'OUST ERAP' or sing a song about politics.
Well! I was young and let's say kind of a crazy freak that time. Classes were suspended and all the things you can watch on TV was about Edsa 2. So, my padmates and I bought some stuffs (most of it are foods) and went to Edsa. Andun kasi ang mga artista at siyempre we would like to watch Gary V. sing or the Apo Hiking make fun of Erap.
Yes, those were our reasons when we went there first and foremost. Nakakahiya man pero isa kami sa mga UZI err... usisera at usisero noon. When we got there, we've learned about a lot of stuffs from listening to a lot of speakers and we felt so alive that we are part of something big and special.
Something in me was born and it was that moment that I promised to myself that I'd be a loyal pinoy no matter what. But looking back now, I'm outraged from the fact that people in our government doesn't changed. I have eventually lost the ability to believe in them and just tried to venture and find something good for myself instead.
I can ignore the problems in our country now (good for me since I'm far from the Philippines) but I don't know how to forget how awful the situation is. All I know is that the Philippines won't grow as a nation if the people in our government (not all of them naman but most) won't stop thinking of themselves. We must realize the problem that it's not just the officials, who embezzles money, but also the people themselves who think so low of our culture.
Being so far away from home made me love my own culture and proud of my own race. There's a lot of things that we, Filipinos, have been taking for granted. And there's no place like home ika nga but the sacrifice of being away from my loveones is worth taking if it means giving them something that I cannot give (like comfort and more) if I have to stay and work in my own country.
Well! We all have our own principles in life and mine was totally different 7 years ago, when I was walking the road going to Malacanang... Life is unfair after all because it could have been heaven if I'm with my family all the time. If only......
Wow... I can't believe how time flies. I know how winter has been affecting a lot of people nowadays.
The darkness that needs neon lights to screech your way on the icy and slippery pavement. The crunchiness of the grass that are turning into brown and the hard/frozen earth that keeps you dreaming of how nice the summer was this year. The coldness of the breeze that numb your fingers, chill even your bones that brings icy crystal tears on your eyes. Lonesome nights with only the comforter and heater to keep you warm. Red nose that itch from the wool that keeps on irritating your skin. Christmas songs on your ipod while dreaming that your family is just around. And seeing how gray the sky these past few days is just making our feelings more miserable.
Thank God I have you to guide me in times like these =)
I've seen how a friend of mine suffered from broken heart and now, she's finally picking up the pieces. Love in her life is really blooming and I'm so glad she hanged on =)
Another acquaintance have to leave her old place and start a new one... Goodluck and god will bless you all the way, I'm sure of it =)
A sister is going away for good and time can only tell when our path is going to cross again...
Winter is really here... Autumn leaves have fallen from the dark and cold branches of the trees. Rain is going to stop pouring soon... Snow comes next so that we can all experience a white Christmas this year...
Well! Have to admit I've missed winter =)
But hopefully the winter of my life would be as white as God's plan for me =) The stinging coldness of problems would soon go away and sunshine would melt all the coldness of the trials that the changing season brings =)
Been setting up a new site and it's really cool... Hahaha! I'll truly miss writing but then again, this is the next big thing... Love the podcasting better than vidblogging...
Anyhow, you try it... It's better though if you're using a MAC because there are a lot of features that is easier in MAC.
Or I'm just an idiot when it comes to PC features.. Hehehe! Enjoy... Promise it's really exhilarating
I've recently encountered a lot of articles/blogs/comments about the Desperate Housewives episode that suggests about the Filipino Medical incompetency?
(“Okay, before we go any further, can I check those diplomas? Because I would just like to make sure they are not from some med school in the Philippines.")
It sounds so general in my opinion, therefore it's demeaning to us filipinos and an insult to our capabilities not only to the doctors, nurses, caregivers, etc. but to the entire nation and our educational system...
Well! We all know it's not all perfect but the respect for such sacrifices should be there and the gratitude that most OFW's who sent their butt out there to serve the sick and cure them (For goodness sake!!!).
The least these idiots of Americans (not all of course, but those producers and scriptwriters of this stupid show) should do is to at least acknowledge the effort and APOLOGIZE!!!
I know love is never having to say you're sorry! Well, in this case that's BULLSHIT!
The green money is surely there as a motivation for most workers but HEY... Money is worth nothing compared to the compassionate and sincere service, we, Filipinos give to these 1st-so-called nations!!!
Haay... Ayan, tumataas na naman presyon ko! Hehehe! See, we can still laugh about it but it hurts noh! My profession may not fall into any medical practices but I am a Filipino and am damned proud to be one...
I admit, I am outraged about it too since not one practitioner in US or any other countries even in the Philippines are allowed to work according to their profession without passing those board exams... not one but two, three plus those English profficiency exams (where in English is clearly one of our expertises btw).
We even topped most of them if you are to check some of their board exam results...
Oh well! I guess, instances like these should really serve as a challenge to each and one of us especially those who are abroad who are far away from their family. Damned! It's hard enough that we can't be with our loveones whole year round and this is what we get in return?
Life is unfair but we have to at least try to protect our name and dignity no matter what because we Filipinos are one of a kind... IBA ANG PINOY IKA NGA...
For the past two months now, 2 of my 3 long lost friends way back in college found me on the net and it was such a blessing since it's really been a decade since we last saw each other...
Trish, my gig girly bratty bitch snob friend, sent me an email and I was so ecstatic that the next day, we chatted almost the whole day to patch up old times. She's already in New York and a fulltime nurse now. She shifted from Engineering to Nursing and now she's really blessed with her life that we can't help but to feel the guilt when we remembered how we were so bad and unruly during the old days...
Then there's Irene, she's my college pal too and have been one of my best friends of course. We've joined a lot of extra curricular activities together from mountain climbing to the religious sect. Our friendship was so amazing but circumstances have intercede to part our ways into our own paths. She's married to Dan, her lovely sweetheart, when we are still wondering how would our first night would be someday. haha! And I'm so glad they are the partners for life couple pla talaga... I saw how in love they were like 10 years ago... She's got 2 kids now and living in Vietnam...
Thank god the internet was created and friendster web site was invented...
Now, my world is getting smaller too coz most of my blogs were found out by some friends of mine... hahaha! it's really a secret blog but they've figured out it was me after all... It was just so good that most of my entries were private.. hehehe!
Now, I've to delete that or probably leave it soon and check out other hosting site to start a new one... haay... I will surely missed that blog...
Anyhow, there's an upside and downside of all the things in this world and that's just one of those things for me... Still, I can say that without the net, I would have been super depressed from missing my family for now...
About 8 years ago back in the Philippines, 2 of my old friends tried to help me be part of the SFC community and I turned them down for like a hundred times.
I can reason out that I was younger then and have a lot of things in my hand that adding another reason to get out of my bed in the morning seems overwhelming at that time.
I mean, I can't barely manage my time with my work in the office and the everyday work at home, my hectic schedule at graduate school class, friends, family, loveone, extra curricular like mountaineering, reading books, movies, TVs and of course the Internet,and lastly the COM-Children of Mary. So, I said this is enough na noh? Magpakatotoo ka! Duh?
Not to mention the constant nagging of bed to rest for a while. Well! I do love sleeping. Not because I needed an inch to my height but I guess, it's the only normal part of my life apart from eating of course. It's also because I don't sleep so good at night...just during the day.
Yeah! I've been that busy sometimes lazy, so I said to them I'm quite under my sleeves kaya next time nalang dear. Well! Regrets really bite you the deepest when the hurt it created or the consequences is seen and resolved with scars already. Pero sabi ko nga, those things are finished and in the past and what's done is done. There are always reasons why these things happen to all of us
The miracle of all miracles happened here in Norway. Kasi nga naman... medyo may oras na ako ngayon sa mga extra curriculars due to his goodness na rin. For the past few months, I've a lot of time in my hand about almost anything and yet I've been accomplishing nothing. So far, but let's wait and see. (wink)
What was that miracle? A friend of mine na kasama rin sa mga other extra curriculars here asked me to joined their SFC Nordic chapter this weekend. Sabi ko naman, Oh sure! Since weekends are the most free days of my week then SHOOT! Let's go and check the SFC thingy and might as well check if there's a lot of Single guys na rin (grins) Yes, my friend with me who went there did thought of that. And besides, para maiba naman iyong mga kahalubilo natin... kakapagod na mag ingles at mag norsk the whole time kaya sige managalog, magbisaya, ilokano, salitang bakla tayo ngayon...
It's a 3-day overnight CLP training that starts on Friday and ends Sunday. Well! Since I was part of a community before, I said to myself. "Ang bilis naman noon? Kasi sa Pinas, it takes months minsan years bago ka nila i-accept na totoong alagad ni lord. So, 2 nights and 3 days? No sweat!" So, sige signed up and be jolly with them kuno kami ng friend ko. Eh sa wala ngang magawa na sa house di ba? I mean maraming dapat gawin pero Procrastination set in...
First day, we are still a little bit skeptic about almost everything they do so, we didn't stay overnight, we only attended the talks and other activities then off we went home but I kept an open mind siyempre. Sabi ko nga I'm willing talaga to get to know these people.
2nd day, I still haven't found the courage in my part to stay for the night. So forget the conscience, we went off to someplace outside the city to our friend's 40th bday that was already planned we're attending for 2 months na. Sabi ko sa kanila, we already gave our word to that person that we will be there (with the gifts and plans of going out with them afterwards)...Though, personally medyo andun na iyong guilt na... ano ka ba? Niloloko mo na naman ang sarili mo. Puro gurang iyong kasama mo dun at mga de-pamilya na silang lahat. Ma-out of place ka na naman kasi SINGLE ka pa rin till now.. Pero, still I succombed to temptation which have later on showed me the reason why I really have to fight for saving myself from the hypocrisy of unworldly things in this lifetime.
Third day, kapal ng mukha ko.. bumalik pa rin ako. Ewan! I am really amaze myself why since overnight iyong party na pinuntahan namin kaya sobrang sakit ng katawan ko na gumising ng maaga just to face that one horrifying hour drive to the city. Pero off I go after a 2 latte cup of coffee and a donut. I fought the shyness in me of knocking on the door (since i'm an hour late-which is my normal behavior that's included to my list of changes) to these people who I saw the sincerity of their service to God.
They inspired me to come back I think. Iba iyong nakita kong dedication sa kanila and I said, I'd like to learn how to be dedicated to JC like the way they do. Some of the speakers when I was seating there are nothing compared to all the speakers from the conferences that I've attended before. Some of them are premature but really pure and I can feel their eagerness to help in spreading the good word. Still, they touched my soul...
Anyhow, before kasi everytime na lumalapit ako sa kanya eh dagsaan ang mga problems sa akin. Tons of it and so immense fear of losing control over my life takes over most of the time. And since ako iyong taong pag may problem solve natin agad... Ayun nada divert iyong attention ko from my personal mission of service to him sa service to my own problems.
Anyway to make this story short, I've accepted his kingdom this weekend. I'm renewing my faith to JESUS CHRIST OUR GOD. I'm pretty sure there will be tons of spiritual challenges that will come my way. Sure! There's still fear in me kung ano ang mga iyon pero I'm anticipating the battle that I'm about to do to win for his name. I don't have to win God's Love for I know he has love me my whole life.
I was just a coward talaga when it comes to problems but I'm not a quitter either kaya I've denied embracing my faith to him wholly before. I just wished I've done this earlier so I could have helped more but then again, I know there's a reason behind the waiting. I am weak and needs spiritual nurturing. My crop/body is old but my heart is young. My energy maybe less but I'm a normal human being who can only do normal things but my desire and determination to make a difference is stronger.
Oh well! My thoughts is saying, hay naku! That's just because you're still in euphoria... Let a week, month or a year past by... Pero, I'm hoping that's not it... I know in my heart that's not the case... I'm praying this is the right way for me and my real calling... Since, I've done almost every single detail that I wanted to happen in my life but the gap is still there... So, my hope flares in the sky that this might be what I'm supposed to be doing to feel the reality of my existence...
I hope and pray... that my intuition this time is right... Lord, show me the way to your grace and give me the strength to serve you...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS CARRYING ME ALL MY LIFE...
My one precious digi cam... It was the first thing I bought that I really shared everything with. I took small walks with it in the forest, mountain, cool sites, old buildings, memorable places... I watched and capture with it the precious moments of my friends, the goofy look of people around me and the past few people I've met and known since I got here. I experimented with it some cool shots that an artist friend taught me. I get to hold it in my hand and capture fishes while swimming... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's terrible. =( I'm not even sure where I lost it. I even wish it was my celphone + ipod instead of my digicam... (sigh)
It's also a cruel incidence that I haven't downloaded the pictures I got from my last travel... Huhuhu! Damn it! There are a lot of 'What ifs' within me at this moment and I truly hate myself and my freaky attitude of losing things all the time...
Anyhow, life goes on as they say... pero tsk tsk.. sayang talaga... ipapamana ko pa naman sa pamangkin ko iyon... haay....
I've just clicked the invitation to transfer all my photos from yahoo to flicker without transferring it all here in multiply... So, now i can't accessed it and then when I've checked the details in flicker, it's really much better but it's not free...
Haay... mabuti nalang may multiply though I'm sure sooner or later baka magpabayad na rin sila... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... all my photos in yahoo are gone... should have thought of backing it all up before clicking that offer.
so, some of you who have photos in yahoo.. beware...
After that awful cut I had 2 weeks ago, I am finally back to my old self and that is work work work since all my cash were out like a floo. Damned my body is totally exhausted but it's all worthwhile I guess.
Had seen my old friends down in denmark and got to relax eventhough my so called ring finger is killing me from that snitzy zing pain that sucks my brain out.
Thank goodness they've invented painkillers or i could kill someone from all these just to release my frustration. Hehe!
So, I've seen the three stooges too but not JE. Waaaa... But I've met Sarah's newborn babe.
Anyway, I did let my hair down and rowdy (well, just once at least) by skinny dipping at the beach with the extreme denmark cold water and freezing air... hahaha! Thank god there's sun to mellow the uncontrollable chill in my bones.
Some days are with suits...so, I've been brave enough to wet my entire body despite the stupid cut. Hehehe!
I've been out laughing my heart out and being silly with alma and her friends that instantly became mine too since they're all so nice.
Videoke, clubbing, playing billiards, man-hunting, others did girl-hunting but my most favorite part is biking... Totally missed it. Not much to see in Korsør but still got to raid the town with my fabulous rented bike that ruined alma's flawless skin by jumping down the hill... hehehe!
Wow! But the highlight of my vacation would be reading the new Harry Potter Book... Haven't finished yet so got to go...Yupee!!!!
Anyway, I'm at the boat (DFDS) going back to Oslo now to face my faith with this infection and of course back to work ika nga...
Well! I've been learning how to cook lately and here's what i've got... hehehe! Don't look if you hate blood... this really looked nasty... and of course it hurts too... veldig veldig vondt jeg kan se. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... my ring finger looks so ugly now....
I hope i won't catch any infection from this... and to think i'll be spending the next 10 days in a private beach.... Oh well, that's life. At least I got to learn a lot of cooking lately but not too long from now on... I'm kind of allergic from knives now.
I admit I'm getting tired of this horse shit of a carousel kind of falling in and out of love so I've kind of promise to one of my buddies/my psychologist (free of charge as long as I buy him some beer..haha!) that I'll be found in hell if I'd enter one relationship or even date before next month is over.
And yep! We bet like 1.5 tusen NOK just to prove that I'll keep my promise... ehem and surely am serious (kuno).
Yes, sister! One month of no dating and no going out at all (hmm... that reminds me to do a review about the manhunt I've just read lately). The thing is getting out on date lately is kind of giving me trouble with work (especifically rusting my brain about real stuffs).
Damned! My heart bleeds and so does my BRAIN. I do hope I had with me somekind of a bucket for all those troupie moments and dilute it with some pesticides just to make it more effective. Hahaha!
So, there goes my life for now.
Work...Work...Work...Sunbathe (as if?)... Drink cold beers under the sun...Work... Chat with friends...Work...Eat barbeque...Travel...Work...Hang out with friends (without benefits, ok?)...Work...Sleep...Eat...Cook...Run...Work...Play with our dogs...Work...Travel...Call my family...Work...Pray =)
Lately, life is really a drag but it happens to all of us. But a slap on the face sometimes work to make our butt out of those cozy beds and get out under the sun and enjoy life with no expectations and hassles from everyone or from ourselves.
Life can only be complete if we know what we really wants and have the courage to get it no matter what. Smile... Hope floats!
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is a beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it. Life is a challenge, meet it. Life is a duty, complete it. Life is a game, play it. Life is a promise, fulfill it. Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it. Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is a tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is life, fight for it! - Mother Teresa
But laugh all you want. The conscience of not having to say you're sorry still lingers in your bloodstream eating up your nerves everytime you think of that person.
